R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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