Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
