I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
