It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
