oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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