Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
