i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
