Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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