dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
