I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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