ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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