I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
