He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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