Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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