going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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