only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
