I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
