Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
