ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
