There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
