My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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