So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
