Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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