just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
