if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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