We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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