she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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