Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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