We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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