with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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