The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize