I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
