Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
