woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize