I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
