Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
