I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
