the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
