Please, let me fuck your mom
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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