It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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