On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
