YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
