we have officially lost it.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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