i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i've created a new STD.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
