Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
