how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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