No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
