Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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