3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
