all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
