everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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