What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
where am i from again
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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