Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
