Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
