he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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