I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
