paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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