I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
