I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
