Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
