Pregnant stripper...not hot.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
