how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
