I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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