i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
