Got a toothbrush?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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