he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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