I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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